Compassion Power
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These were:
- Detach yourself from your own perspective and try to see the situation from the other person's point of view.
- Address the other person's anger and disrespectful behavior directly. Now it's not about what's being said, but how and why.
- Remove yourself completely from the situation until the other person calms down, and then re-address the issue if necessary.
Pretty straight-forward. Now let's complicate the situation and see compassion power in a different light. A gray area.
Feedback happens in synchrony. If I decide to scratch your back, figuratively speaking, I am scratching my own back because I am doing the decision-making and the scratching. Obviously there are gray areas, and you may have heard of compassion fatigue.
This happens when loss of control replaces the sense of decision-making, producing stress instead of compassion. If you're scratching a back that belongs to someone you can't stand and don't want to scratch, it might be stressful.
If you like the person, it likely feels good for you as well.
But sometimes you have limited choice in terms of action. Still, you always have a wide open choice in the motivational department of your decision-making. You can decide that you will do it your way, and in your way you shall scratch that back!
If you must, detach yourself from the disagreeable person and commit yourself only to the action and your decision. You might be surprised at how this mindful change in attitude affects you and possibly the person you're dealing with.
We tend to reap what we sow while we're sowing it, yet sometimes we're not aware of what we're actually sowing...
When you're done, mentally scratch your own back and treat yourself to something nice. Showing compassion for yourself is showing compassion to others because compassion starts within your mind, and your mind is connected to other minds.
BUT if the disagreeable person crosses the line, deal with him. The power of compassion, once properly harnessed, can be ruthless.
This is how you do it...
You decide to take action against this person because you are acting on behalf of your self-love and the love you have for other living beings who may run into this disrespectful person in the future. Through ruthlessly compassionate love, you thus connect and unify with a vast and great cause. You awaken a giant within. And this ruthless giant - you - remains perceptive, smart, and decisive, not thrust into blind, stupid, and useless anger.
You could choose to do this non-violently. Gandhi, for example, achieved quite a bit through this peaceful approach.
Or you could do it less peacefully. If a person aims a gun at your family and seems hell-bent on pulling the trigger and you have a gun, shoot him. Tomorrow he might attack your neighbors.
But these are extreme examples. And I could give you a thousand different examples because compassion is so intelligent and flexible. Fear and anger are instinctual, low-level primate reactions. Not smart, can't think long-term, stressful, separating and isolating people. Long-term negative emotions
kill brain cells and sometimes far more.
Compassion power is long-lasting, connecting, and unifying. It is
happiness power.
The ruthlessness I mentioned earlier simply means that any obstacle to your loved ones' happiness (and your own) – any negative, stressful influence – should be dealt with in an overpowering, unflinching manner.
So if you are genetically predisposed to negative emotions, you should ruthlessly smother them with love for yourself and your family. Compassion power works internally as well as on any external influence. If you just skimmed the last sentence, read it again and fully absorb it. It is important.
This principle of success/happiness should be applied to both your personal and professional life.
All negative emotions aside, compassion in everyday situations simply means that you will do whatever is necessary for your loved ones, including yourself. And the best way of knowing what is the proper action is to be calm, collected and above stress. As we reviewed in the meaning of compassion, meditation alleviates stress and you become more aware of yourself and those around you. Compassion is the antidote to distress.
You become smarter in your actions instead of blindfolded by stupid anger.
Be aware that the only difference between stress/negative emotions and compassion/positive emotions lies in your decision-making. And most stress is linked to our perceived lack of opportunity to make decisions.
The power of compassion certainly has made an impact on these great human beings (and they've made impacts on human history).
Do try this at home...
If you know that you should attend an upcoming less-than-glorious event because you know how important it is to your child/friend/spouse who wants the pleasure of your company, decide to take initiative and ask them before he/she asks you.
And be mindful and notice how that makes you feel.
You may feel how you're balancing between committing to the decision and wanting to abandon it. Feel the inner peace of making and sticking to the decision. Sense the inkling distress and negative emotions from the thought of walking back on your decision.
Take small steps. You become better while you practice.
But, to paraphrase JFK, ask not what compassion can do for you. Instead, ask what you can do for compassion. After all, you're doing it for those you love, and you're ultimately showing love and compassion for yourself...
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